he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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