not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
