New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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