I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
