3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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