I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
