imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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