Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
