Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
jump out the window naked night went bad
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
