Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
