My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
