a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
