I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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