have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
