Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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