I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
