I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
