and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
