If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
