I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
