I just pynch a tree in the face
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
