I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
