Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
