Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Alive.
So much puke
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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