I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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