turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm getting married
To pizza
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
