If i come over, it means nothing
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
