you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
