just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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