She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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