is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
As shirtless as possible
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
