I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
