My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
