I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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