dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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