i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
