If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
