11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
this beer tastes like vomit already
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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