Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
