What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
