he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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