im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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