Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
