last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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