i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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