Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
