Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Sorry my hands just texted you
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
