I think my fart just growled at me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
