I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
