My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
