i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
